Mother took hold of my hand and ran into the house, as I stepped onto the porch I caught sight of my sister Amelia off in the field picking wild flowers and somehow knew that would be the last time I would ever see her. Mother told me to hurry and hastened me to the back of the house. She pulled a dresser away from the wall and leaned forward to remove a floorboard. Concealed under the floor was a secret compartment and inside the compartment was a small cloth pouch. More importantly safely hidden inside the pouch was a single stone. She carefully placed the pouch around my neck before speaking. Mother said that I was destined to do great things. She then recounted the fable of the Three Great Kings. She explained that I was a direct descendent of King Michael and that I am one of the Great Kings and a Guardian as well. Mother made clear that it was time for me to accept my destiny and take upon the greatest of all responsibilities. My parents had hoped that the stone would have remained hidden until I was a man. They knew that in time the stone would be entrusted to me; sadly this day has come without warning. From this day forth I must protect the stone at all costs; even if it means sacrificing my family! For the stones have miraculous powers; and if King Mord was ever in possession of any one stone, he would seek out and destroy everyone in his path until all three stones were his; then evil would prevail. With this power King Mord would rule the world.
You are so talented! I can feel what the main character is going through. What a gift u have, mom!
Now the story is starting to unfold. This is great! The story gets more interesting each week. Keep posting!
Things seem to be turning around for the main character. You keep your audience guessing and wanting more with each post. Can’t wait until next week.
You bring your readers right into the heart of the characters. Hungry for the next post! Can’t wait to read more!!
Looking forward to next week.
Another amazing post ! I love how you went back and recounted his last precious moments with his family. Can’t wait until next week!
Hi Michele, I finally made it over here! I’ve read your chapter and it looks like you have a good storyline. A couple of suggestions that I would make are 1) turn the narrative into dialogue wherever you can, i.e., not, Mother told me, but, Mother said, “…….”. 2) show rather than tell wherever you can, i.e, not, he was finding it difficult to concentrate, but, show him doing something where he cannot concentrate on it. Doing these things help to keep the reader engaged in the story and make the characters come to life. Just suggestions that you might want to try. I enjoyed reading this and think you’ve got a good thing going here! Keep writing!
Hi Rita, I really appreciate your suggestions and will incorporate some changes. However I actually rewrote the scenario between Robert and his mother. He is reflecting upon his last moments spent with her, his words are reminiscent of a life he can no longer return to and thus he relies upon his memory because that is all he has left of his family. Therefore this chapter is meant to be told in the past tense to support his memory. Also he has been in the dark cave for days, his family slaughtered and all he has even known taken from him; his lack of concentration comes from the loss he suffered. I will go back and read and reread; still I do not want to bore the reader with extra words. Only to reiterate what is already understood, Robert is alone and frightened and the lack of concentration comes from his fear. I definitely welcome your suggestions and am never afraid to take criticism especially from another writer. I will use your input to make necessary changes, ones that support my story and keep the readers attention. Thanks again for your support and I appreciate your input, Michele
Awesome post, cannot wait to read more!
Wow Michele! This story is getting so good and you are doing such a great job with the writing, that i can actually feel Roberts pain. Love to read and look foward to your posts each week! Keep up the good work!!
We need a new king mord for the movie when it comes out…our original actor of choice passed away…any ideas?!